Supporting Families, Preventing Tragedies
Supporting Families, Preventing Tragedies
I had a stillborn son in 2004, all our care was excellent, especially from our midwife, it was the hospital that let us down. 2 things that hurt us were, when we found out our precious son had passed they wanted to send me home and let labour happen naturally (knowing full well that I had 2 previous c-sections and was booked in to have a c-section exactly a month later). The other thing that still upsets me today is when it was time for our son to be taken for a post mortem the midwife on duty came in to get him and with her she had a cardboard box, she took our son from my arms and placed him in the box and I was told she even put the lid on. All this being done in front of all our family and friends. To me it would of been sooo much kinder to take our son out in her arms and then place him in the box where we could not see.
Anyways these are the reasons that hurt me.
Thomas Shane born sleeping 21 May 2004
You were due to be born on the 21 June 2004, But God decided on the 21 May 2004 that he wanted you to bloom in heaven with him.
On this day I had noticed that you had not kicked so rang Debbie and she sent me to the hospital to have monitoring, That is when my world came crashing down, They tried to find your heartbeat but were unsuccessful, They told me it looked like you had passed away, so they came in and did a mini scan and that virtually confirmed that you had passed away. But they still wanted to send me for a proper scan to confirm it. So we waited about 30 minutes while they organised the scan and in this time Debbie arrived and we could not believe what had happened. You were kicking away just 12-24 hours before.
They came in and told me that I was to go down to the mafau unit to have my scan which was hard as that is the antenatal clinic and I knew there would be mums to be down there. But never the less we went and had to wait another 10 minutes down there, but Annemarie the nurse let us sit in a room by ourselves so we didn’t have to wait in the waiting room with everyone else. She knew us well as we had been attending the clinic every 4 weeks throughout the pregnancy. After 10 minutes we went into have the scan and it was confirmed that you had passed away, once the scan was over I just had to get out of the room and go find mum coz I couldn’t cope. We then went back to the delivery suite to talk things over and decide what we were going to do. The doctor came in and gave us the options and they were, either go home and let it happen in a week or so and I was like no way am I going home and the other one was have a c-section which is what I was going to be having in 4 weeks time, so I decided to go ahead with that. The doctor kept coming in and pressuring me and saying we really don’t like to do c-sections in these cases but I stuck to my guns and was not going to change my mind. So they agreed and went away to organise it all, During the next 2 hours I didn’t know what was really happening as I was still in major shock, we had phone calls to make and decisions to make and I just didn’t want to do them, Also during this time Susan and Rachel arrived and I was so pleased to see them.
They stayed as long as they could. Between 3-4 I was prepped for theatre and just before 4 I walked down to the theatre with Debbie and the other midwife and got up on the bed and they put the drip in and gave me a sedative then put me to sleep and that was the last thing I remember till I came round and saw you lying there asleep.. They let me have a look at you before they took you out to see your daddy and Nana who were waiting in the room we had been in. Then they took me to the recovery room and then daddy and nana came in with you, We stayed in this room for about an hour I think then we were moved to a bigger room.
During the next 24 hours we had you with us the whole time, you got to meet your grandma and pop, granddad, all your aunties from playcentre and your aunty pip. But most of all you got to meet your 2 big sisters Rebecca and Sophie. We all got to hold you and cuddle you and we took heaps of photos so we can never forget you. Then on Saturday afternoon they decided it was time to take you to the mortuary for your post mortem, The midwife came in and told us and next minute she brought a cardboard box in and took you out of daddys arms and placed you in the box right in front of us on the bed, this hurt sooo much that I couldn’t handle it and burst into tears along with the rest of the room, (we had about 10-15 people in the room at the time) I couldn’t look once they did this but was told she put the lid on the box too.
We didn’t see you again till the Tuesday as they didn’t do the post mortem till Monday then you went to the funeral home and was prepared for your funeral on the Friday. We came and visited you every day till we said our goodbyes. Your funeral was just beautiful, it rained not only tears but also from the skies. We let go balloons for you and Daddy and Bob lowered you into the ground and we said our final goodbyes.
We still don’t know why you died and we may never know. But we do know that we will never forget you and will always cherish the time we had with you.
We love you soo much our precious little man.
Love Mummy and Daddy
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